Depression treatment

Here’s what happened: A female friend of mine and me decided to go on the swimming pool today. We talked about it this week and decided to go today (thursday). Anyway, it’s 3 am in the mornning and she calls me that she can’t sleep and she isn’t sure if she would go to the pool today. Not to mention that she woke me up and I couldn’t get back sleep till 4.30 am or so.
So I call her in the morning .. 8am or something.. I wake her up and she says she’s not going (lack of sleep.). And I was so looking forward to improving my swimming skills.

Then I go and ask the other friend who I’ve talked yesterday and she asked me if I would like to go to the pool with her. But I declined because of the “sleepy” girl. Well, I asked her if she allready had plans for today and she tells me that she’s going with her father. Bad luck!

So I started to think - this is one of those days when nothing goes the way you planned it. I’ve called a third friend of mine too and she said she’s not really into swimming today because of the powerfull sunshine or something. Yeah, guess what - I was pissed!

And if something similar happens to you, don’t worry - it will be better the next day or the day after. Sometimes you just can’t change your destiny. Hell, maybe it’s the best this way. Who knows what could happen today - maybe I would be hit by a car or don’t know why if I went to the pool. So relax, go out on the sun for a lil’ while and do some self improvement for today.

I have this moderate obssession with online poker, so I play it from time to time for real money. I usually load 100$ or so in my account and play. I’m not sure if I lack the skills or what, but the last few months I’ve been loosing money. Check the balance from last 60 months and guess what, I’ve spent over 1200$ on poker.

This is one thing that makes me feel bad. After I loose, I really start feeling depressed. Not very depressed, but it can develop when other things add up. That’s why I’m working on quitting playing poker for money completely. But what to do when you feel bored and don’t know what to do? Do something for your self improvement. Maybe read a book about confidence or who to cook a nice meal. And remember, do one task at a time.

I’m really looking for some good ways to improve my speech skills, to get a more dominant voice and to speak infront of an audiance with confidence. If I find a good site about that, I’ll post it here for sure. Next time I will talk about exercise as a natural depression healer. I really have good experience with jogging.

The day started good. I was jogging in the morning and I was felling really good! The sun was shining I was happy. I was going to meet this girl to get a pizza (she’s just a friend). But also, my path went to a outside swiming pool facility where I was going to sign me up for swimming lessons.

Yes, I can’t swim. Well, I can swim a little but want to try to learn it really good. Can you imagine - every summer, friends go to the sea or the pool and have lot’s of fun. You would like to go too, but you’re afraid what they would say if they find out you can’t swim. This can really have a bad influence to your depression. I have those dreams where I’m at the sea and would like to swim but can’t. Really bad.

So at that swiming facilty I tried to sign up but the guy there didn’t have a clue what I’m talking about. Said I should look somewhere else. So I was driving like for an hour from my home on some stupid streets where I didn’t know where I am in the middle of nowhere to be exact! I was feeling so depressed and helpless when I was driving home .. (I didn’t want to drive there every day on the 5 day swimming lessons!).

Well on the way home with my car I was starting to feel really depressed and bad and when I came home I felt like shit. Then I’m talking with this female friend of mine over internet (I have a crush on her, but I’m sure she does not like me that way - it’s a long story, we’re friends like 5 years). Anyway, I had this idea to tell her that I have feelings for her but just couldn’t do it. ANOTHER MAJOR BANG to boost my depression ever further.

I was having these suicidal thoughts that I have in the last few months. They’re not that strong and I can control myself. But sometimes I think I’m getting out of control and won’t be able to hold myself back when trying to do suicide attempt.

Anyway, yesterday I’ve decided that that’s enough! I have to start to live better! I know many methods to boost my happines and I’m going to write them here to help other guys and girls and help myself. I’m also counting on your comments and your experience with dealing with depression and your tips and tricks on how to beat it the natural way! No pills for me! Let’s start this jurney today.