The day started good. I was jogging in the morning and I was felling really good! The sun was shining I was happy. I was going to meet this girl to get a pizza (she’s just a friend). But also, my path went to a outside swiming pool facility where I was going to sign me up for swimming lessons.

The beachYes, I can’t swim. Well, I can swim a little but want to try to learn it really good. Can you imagine - every summer, friends go to the sea or the pool and have lot’s of fun. You would like to go too, but you’re afraid what they would say if they find out you can’t swim. This can really have a bad influence to your depression. I have those dreams where I’m at the sea and would like to swim but can’t. Really bad.

So at that swiming facilty I tried to sign up but the guy there didn’t have a clue what I’m talking about. Said I should look somewhere else. So I was driving like for an hour from my home on some stupid streets where I didn’t know where I am in the middle of nowhere to be exact! I was feeling so depressed and helpless when I was driving home .. (I didn’t want to drive there every day on the 5 day swimming lessons!).

Well on the way home with my car I was starting to feel really depressed and bad and when I came home I felt like shit. Then I’m talking with this female friend of mine over internet (I have a crush on her, but I’m sure she does not like me that way - it’s a long story, we’re friends like 5 years). Anyway, I had this idea to tell her that I have feelings for her but just couldn’t do it. ANOTHER MAJOR BANG to boost my depression ever further.

I was having these suicidal thoughts that I have in the last few months. They’re not that strong and I can control myself. But sometimes I think I’m getting out of control and won’t be able to hold myself back when trying to do suicide attempt.

Anyway, yesterday I’ve decided that that’s enough! I have to start to live better! I know many methods to boost my happines and I’m going to write them here to help other guys and girls and help myself. I’m also counting on your comments and your experience with dealing with depression and your tips and tricks on how to beat it the natural way! No pills for me! Let’s start this jurney today.